My little brother's name is Robert. So is my other, littler brother's. So is mine, actually (I'm the oldest of the Brothers Robert, and the shortest, and the least athletic). My dad's name is Robert too. We're all Roberts. Robert, Robert, Robert, Robert. Yes, I know. Just like George Foreman. I've heard the jokes and they're not very good. Anyway, Robert No. 3, otherwise known as Christopher, got married to Jessica Saturday. This is Jessica:
And this is Christopher himself and his daughter Sepporah, Claire's cousin in arms:
As you can see, blondeness abounds in my family. I'm a freak actually, dark of pigment and spirit. For further blondeness, observe Robert No. 4, aka Robert Matthew, and his team of towheads.
Robert No. 4 is a reverend with a license and everything. He performed the ceremony. I, being godless, stood outside the tent as far away as I could, snapping pictures with a telephoto lens while things were consecrated.
In this time-honored Johnson ritual, the newlyweds recreate the scene from What's Love Got To Do With It where Ike Turner humiliates Tina by shoving cake in her face in front of their friends and says, "C'mon baby, eat the cake!" Only we use gender reversal for extra effect. The whole thing is a broad social commentary.
These were my dates. Claire was an old soul this day.
Robert No. 4 with the bear.
More gratuitous blondeness. My moms and Titus, my youngest nephew.
Jessica is saying: "We freakin' nailed this wedding. I mean, we just freaking nailed it. Gou-let!"
After being outside for hours, and the kids had played their assess off, we decided to take family pictures. And all of the children simultaneously had breakdowns. Here are some images of the sadness descending, and Kirst and I trying to manipulate Claire into sucking it up and smiling for the freaking camera.
Suddenly, there was drama. A rival wedding party arrived and claimed to have more Roberts in their family than us. Chris and his brood made their throw-down faces and scared the bastards away.
For the feats of strength portion of the ceremony, Chris and Jessica decided to "prove something" by hoisting Cole and Titus, who cumulatively weigh around 115 lbs. I just kept shouting "lift with the legs!"
We all love Jessica. She's a class act, supremely sweet and fun to be around. Saturday was definitely one of Chris's finest hours.
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