Falcor Gets Lucky

This blog has gotten awfully sentimental lately if you ask me. A little too sweet, a little too family-friendly with all the instances of Claire the Walking Wistful being so damn effervescent all the time and Kirsten and I's new experiments with domestic bliss. But the thing is, I have utterly failed to capture an essential part of the true essence of parenthood: the steep divide between sanitized, disneyfied child-appropriateness and the filthy rot of the adult mind. The great world of difference between G- and R-rated thoughts. The swear words, swallowed mid-utterance. The innuendo made at the dinner table that flies straight over kids' macaroni-wolfing heads. The kind of moments when you and your toddler are watching Super Grover grab Elmo from behind, physically try to hoist him upward into flight, and failing - over and over again with puppet-like spasmodic thrusts - and you're thinking am I just over-sexualized or is Grover totally barebacking Elmo.

There is no better illustration of this phenomenon than this tender moment from The Neverending Story, which I have merely taken out of context, slightly re-edited for effect and am now displaying for you in all its slurping, moaning glory. A few years ago Claire went through a phase of watching The Neverending Story on OCD-grade repeat, which I totally endorsed because the movie rules on every level. Most of the time I was only hearing the film while I worked on other things in the same room, which heightened the creepiness of the audio in this scene where Atrayu meets Falcor the Luck Dragon and "scratches his itch." And every time it would come up I would just shake my head and wonder to myself how the actor doing Falcor's voice-over wasn't arrested on the spot for crimes of excessive perv-i-ness.

It's weird. On the one hand, I feel that I've committed some kind of unholy transgression against innocence by making this mp3 and putting it on public display like this. And at the same time, I believe that in one fell swoop I have washed away all my sins of sickening wholesomeness. So it all evens out!

Warning. While there is nothing explicitly sexual contained in the mp3 below, there are suggestive overtones which are absolutely depraved, so listen at your own risk. And if you are going to listen, for god's sake use headphones to get all the detail.



Falcor Gets Lucky (mp3)